Finding your purpose at 33

Finding Yourself

I wrote last time about leaving my job. There were many reasons for this, mostly logistical and family related. Beyond that, I mentioned that I was not 100% happy with my job. It was not what I thought it would be, it was on a career track that I did not want, and I went home daily either frustrated, overstressed, emotional, or a combination of all three.

When I would mention my discontent, I often was met with a “so what?” response. No one loves their job 100% of the time. Maybe you just haven’t been in it long enough. Commuting isn’t so awful. Why can’t you hire more help for your kids, even if childcare and gas are already eating up half your paychecks? It’s just being an adult – work always sucks. 

While all valid questions and opinions, it felt like I was being told that this was it.

There would be no “dream job,” no magic work/life balance, no fulfillment. Is this really how we are supposed to view our work lives and careers?  The average American worker spends more than 83,000 hours working (if he or she works a 40 hour work week for at least 40 years. And retiring early is getting more and more financially impossible). Do we really think we have to spend this many hours and days doing something we hate? Are we not able to do something that actually makes us want to get up in the morning?

For some people, there is no other option – and that just blows.

Luckily, we will be okay in the interim. My income has always been supplementary because we move every 3-4 years; it can take anywhere from 3-12 months for me to find another job.  I feel very grateful that I am able to leave my job and not have my family suffer. My husband’s career moves us frequently, and subsequently I have to be the more flexible parent and employee. Yet he is nothing but supportive of whatever educational and employment goals I have, which made my decision a little easier. So I have all those things going for me, right?

Many people love their work and careers. I’m incredibly envious that these people wake up excited to do something, to change things, and to earn money all while pursuing a passion. I wish I could say that I have found this; there have been good jobs and bad jobs, but nothing that made me feel that way.

And I feel like I am running out of time to find it.

If I am honest? I want to write. The failure and fear of rejection have always held me back, so maybe now is my time to try writing. Maybe I will take a class on SEOs, make more time to actually compose, and will give this gig a shot. Maybe I will pick up a small job or occupation to supplement our income while I take a stab at this career. Or maybe I will fail miserably and end up in a boring but stable job. Right now, I have no idea what can and will happen.

It is exciting and scary, a relief and an anxiety, a positive and a negative. Right now, I’m a 33 year old woman, wife, and mother trying to find greater purpose and fulfillment. And also a job.  Again.

 

 

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