I’m still here, just drowning…

…in life. There are many days that I wish for more hours in the day, if only to complete more of the things on my to-do list. There are other days that I wish there were less hours in the day, simply because all I want to do is go back to sleep. That’s super depressing to read, but true.

I’m overwhelmed with everything in life right now and stuck in that feeling that it will never end.

It’s everything from work to parenting to marriage to family to alone time to self-care. Many days I feel like I am pulled in so many directions that it hurts. I feel guilt that I do not have enough time for the kids or the husband; I cannot even find time to read or exercise or to write (so clearly demonstrated in my lack of posts). I feel exhausted physically and mentally. I am frustrated with all the above elements, which is only heightened by the lack of time. Then I wonder if there is ever a reprieve or a point to the endless cycle of work, commitments, and sacrifice.

As I said, I’m overwhelmed.

Regardless, life does not stop or care that I am overwhelmed. I have to take deep breaths and time to get my head in the right place to avoid any anxiety. I have to write lists and agendas to make sure I am tracking it all. I have to ask for help, something I hate doing but am learning to tolerate. And the most important thing I have to admit defeat. Not defeat in a negative way but in an attempt to maintain some sanity. At least once a week, I have to throw up my hands (often literally) and admit that I cannot do another thing. This usually falls on a Sunday, haha.

And you know what? That’s been such a cathartic release. It’s been a way to recenter myself, to prepare for the week ahead, and to spend some time with my family. It can be a day of movies, a laid back beach day, or a family nap (start doing these, they are amazing). The activity or lack thereof is not important, just the release of commitment and responsibility.

So in case you were concerned, I’m fine. Living a busy, overwhelming, yet wonderful life that bogs me down from time to time. Adulthood is not all they promised in our youth, but this is life.

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