I’ve been frustrated lately. If the frustration was aimed at one specific thing, I could write more specifically. However, the frustration encompasses many things. I could list them all, but 1) other people deserve their privacy, and 2) do you want to read a novel or a blog post?
My main source of frustration is helplessness. The husband and I have been having some deep, therapy-like conversations lately. I have reminded myself that I am an anxious, control-freak personality, but I am also ready to admit something else: I’m a fixer. I like to fix things. In the literal sense, I love that I can fix a toilet, change the car oil and headlights, heal boo-boos and navigate general healthcare with ease, and negotiate with banks, sellers, and toddlers (aka miniature terrorists). Regardless, there are some things I cannot fix. There are things out of my control, and it makes me crazy. I want to make things easier for all those in my life. I want to heal injuries, fix broken hearts, ease burdens, and make life easier for all those I love. But, there are some circumstance I cannot fix. This makes me crazy. Literally, like a crazy person.
I think this comes with being the oldest child, especially the oldest child of a large family. I notice this with my oldest daughter as well. Your instinct tells you to fix it, to help out, to make things easier. As an adult, you learn that while your intentions are good, you cannot fix everything. People make their own choices and decisions.
Part of my anxiety is learning to let go of this. There are people, places, and circumstances out of my control. Even if I would have done things differently, I cannot change what is not my own. However, it is easier said than done. AND it is super frustrating. So frustration is my main emotion.
Now that I have vented all that out, let us do a round of The Recents:
– TV/Movies: I’m a late bloomer, but I’m really getting into “Girls” and “House of Cards.” I also watched a documentary titled “NIM” this week about a chimpanzee that was raised by only humans. It was interesting, but Andy really loved it.
– Music: did you know that Blink 182 is coming out with a new album this fall? Amazing!
– Books: I’m reading 4 books right now: “One Plus One” and “The Murder Farm” for books club, “Broken” and “Lady Midnight Chronicles” for fun.
– Opinions for the week: Nada. Nunca. Nein. Nothing. Is there a benefit to learning 3 or more languages?
I’m off to bed – so tired. This has been a very long week, and Andy and I are both working like crazy (on top of everything else). Until next time!