Day 117-118: this funk has got to go

We’re all in a funk right now.  It’s been a busy and long month, the kids are anxious for school to get out, and I’m anxious for summer to get here.  Once June hits, things start to end and begin – school ends, summer ballet and other programs begin, Andy comes home soon, summer travels get closer, and family starts coming to visit.  Right now, we are a mess of appointments for all the kids, school and extracurricular activities, going through my last few classes of my master’s degree and panicking about an impending thesis, and still – STILL – adjusting to life here.  The kids and I are tired, often grumpy, and just kind of blah.  I keep saying it needs to be June…and it does need to be June.

I know that I personally have been in a funk for awhile now.  I’m not really happy or sad.  I’m busy, partly by my own doing and partly because I have three kids.  I keep trying to find a job that will also accommodate my life here, and it’s just not happening.  I’m finishing a degree that was a goal of mine, yet most days I wonder how selfish I could have been to start an unnecessary degree with no way to pay for it in sight.  I know I’m not hideously ugly or overweight, but I still struggle with how I look no matter how much I watch my diet or hit the gym.  I miss my husband and just want him home now, not in a few more months.  I miss family and the comforts of America, even as I chastise myself for not just enjoying my time here.  Things are never bad, and my life is actually pretty good.  I just cannot shake this funk, this nagging dark cloud that hangs over me even when I’m having a good day.

My silver lining is that I finally seem to be making some more friends.  I freely admit that when Andy is gone, I kind of sink into my own little hole for awhile.  I focus on the kids, and things with Addie have been tough lately.  Making friends here has been challenging, and I’m thankful to the ones that have stuck around me and made me get out (they know who they are  🙂  ).  But I have been making an effort to get in contact with people, to schedule time with them, and to branch out beyond the pint-sized events that dominate my life.  I feel better knowing I have some more people around me that care about me, my family, and about taking some time to connect with one another, even if it’s for a quick coffee or lunch.  Friends can make any situation, any place, or any time feel a whole lot better – and after my good friend leaves this summer, I’m going to need some more to get me through life here. 

So the girls and I are going to enjoy the beautiful weather that has finally arrived with bikes and walks with the dog, and we will welcome May with open arms.  If I try to think positively, it’s a downhill slope from here.  Keep that positivity and get the funk out! 

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