……….(insert thoughts here)…………
I am just at a loss for creative writing today. The words are not coming to me. There was nothing particularly fascinating that happened today, although a friend of mine won a pretty awesome award. I found out that by spending $12 and buying Addie her own backpack, she’ll fight less about Lorelei’s backpack (sanity is greater than the budget). I bought some candy hearts, partially to make up a Valentine’s Day care package for Andy and partially because even though I’m twenty-seven, I still love reading them. All in all, nothing truly fantastic or out of the ordinary today.
I have been distracted by bad news as of late – none of my own really, but news from those I love and care about. When I truly love and care, the welfare and happiness of those people is very important to me, regardless of if I live next door to them or thousands of miles away. I would never divulge any details; that is not what this blog is about. I just cannot get these circumstances and individuals off my mind. Andy notes that I am a fixer by nature, as most oldest children are. I feel a need to fix problems and help others, even if I know that I cannot help or change anything. Since moving so far away, I have resolved to just listen and to help only when asked – there really is not that much I can do if I’m in another country, and most of the time, people just need someone to listen to them anyways. Lately, this has been hard for me to do. I itch to hop on a plane and swoop in, mending broken hearts, doling out sympathy and affection, and just helping.
The rational part of me always remembers that I can not do that, and even if I could, I should not. These problems and issues are not my own. I can do what I can over the phone and through email, but it is not my place to meddle and handle things. Unfortunately, this does not stop me from hurting for others, from stressing out, and from worrying. It is the curse that I often care too much, if you can do that. Today, I had to remind myself of all this multiple times. Instead, I chose to focus on the happiness here – a very happy and accomplished friend, another sunny day, problem-solving with Addie a little bit, and taking another day off the countdown (January is almost done!). And I have enough worries here at my own home – husband in a combat zone, juggling three kids, managing a household, getting my degree, etc. I think my plate is full. Then again, I’ve always been a two plate kind of person…. 🙂